Spring is here

By Jeffrey Fazio
DriveTime Columnist

This time of the year should be sweet,

but that is not the case on every city street.

The following people you should avoid,

as they simply can not be enjoyed.



The Thumper


As you and your "boys,"

cruise around in your street toys.

Your music is turned up all the way,

because you donít have anything to say.


There seems to be a real correlation,

between the level of your car-stereo vibration

and what you have worth saying.

Some of us find it truly dismaying.


Seriously, if you had thoughts worth sharing,

Would your compact discs be blaring?

If your car is going thump, thump, thump,

you are being a thoughtless chump.


Please turn down that noise

and stop being one that annoys.



The Cruiser


As you cruise through the city super, super slow,

it is really obvious that you have no place to go.

Maybe if you had an actual destination,

your driving might show some motivation.


Instead you selfishly hold up traffic,

thinking you are some kind of maverick.

In actuality you are far from cool,

you are simply a slow-driving fool.


Please find a place worthwhile to go,

so you stop driving so damn slow.



The Double Parker


Parking legally is just too hard,

so you just park in the street

with complete disregard.


You stupidly sit there double parked,

because you are not smart enough

to get into the spaces that are clearly marked.


Iím not sure how to convey,

that turning your flashers on

does not make this okay.


Please learn to park against the curbs

and stop being one that disturbs.



The Honker


When you stop to pick up your friend,

a bad message your honking horn does send.

It announces that you like making people crazy,

or that you are simply too lazy.

So get out and ring the door bell

and stop creating a living hell.


You sit their going beep, beep, beep,

not caring if someone nearby is trying to sleep.

If you really think it is okay to just sit and toot,

I graciously offer you a one-finger salute.


Please stop honking your horn,

and creating so much scorn.



The Exhauster


Since you could not afford the cost,

of a completely upgraded exhaust,

You figured that most of it you could skip,

as long as you just bought an over-sized, shiny tip.


I suspect that you are not smart enough to know,

that adding only a larger exhaust tip does not increase flow.

You are seriously misguided or a complete dork,

if you think that huge tip actually offered more torque.


All that annoying appendage really does,

is give your car a very loud, annoying buzz.

In your mind you now hear your engine roar.

but it honestly sounded much better before.


Please put your car back to how it came from the factory,

because the way it now sounds is completely unsatisfactory.